08.05.05 :: 9:14 am

approximately how many beers until i'm doing what I've dubbed "the muffin dance" in ryan's living room and cracking no one but myself up (ok, he laughed a little)?

What do you want? It's ninety-five degrees and I'm all dehydrated.

But I look positively fetching today, i must say, in a thin veneer of sweat and a darling new silky top.

Oh, and also? One more thing? Coworker needs to stop passing off retardedly menial tasks on to me (see: bubble-wrapping bottles and messengering them to the Diddy).
We have an administrative assistant for that. Her name is Karen and she sits behind you, jackass.

I've got real work to do, and I'm not beneath you in rank around here so you can just stuff that self-important attitude up your enormous ass.

And don't tell me how to do my excel sheets either, while we're at it.

I can understand them just fine, and it's not my fault you are stupid.

Don't make me dumb them down. It's double the work and it's totally unnecessary, you big fat sow.

I'd like to see how you function without me for two weeks. Assholes. All of you!!

Work rant over.

I need a shopping spree and a cocktail likethe world's ending tomorrow.

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