2001-06-28 :: 8:40 p.m.

Everything is better after three shots of brandy. Of coruse, getting the hair violently torn from my tender nethers still hurts, but not as much, and I was decidedly buzzed as I trotted down Lexington Avenue, my petunia so fresh and so clean.

More than anyone needed to know, I'm sure, but hey, it's my house.

And, yes, I call it my petunia.

Ever since I've discovered the free money cheat code on the Sims, their lives have been so much better. And mine too, kinda, because they don't have to go to work anymore and the Sims is really just a way for me to live vicariously through them. I mean, come on! I want a robot! That cleans! And gives massages!

(Is that supposed to happen, I wonder? Or did I just get a very frisky robot?)

I'm going to get my stuff together for the beach tomorrow. That sun had better be searing by 11:00. That is all I know.

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