1999-12-06 :: 07:39:41

So Rock Star Ex told his "actress/bartender" pseudo-fling that he had to stop seeing her. Due to unresolved feelings for me. She told him he needed to sort that out and to call her when he did. She is going to be waiting patiently by the phone for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long time. And then when the phone rings after five years and it's him, he's only calling to invite her to our wedding. Ha.

I thought I'd be more elated with this news. I am definitely glad she's out of his life, but whatever. Who's next, you know? And there definitely will be a next, I'm sure of it. I just wish he would hurry up and figure out his heart and that I'm in it.

I just want the searching to be over. I don't want to look for anyone anymore. I know who I love. I would be glad if I was told I never had to do the whole dating scene ever ever ever again. I know who I love.

Now if he'd just snap out of it already, grow up, act 26 years old, present me with a goddamned ring already and let's get on with it!!

Not getting any younger, but...

In college I didn't used to worry about marriage and stuff because it was college. I could do whatever I wanted and see whomever I chose because it didn't matter. I was 20 I was 18 it was all fun it was all not serious.

But I'm 24. I've been out of college and over the whole fooling around with someone for the hell of it, meaningless flings and sex thing for three years. I'm done. I've had my fun. The notches on my belt count to 10 and I'd like to keep it at that number forever.

I think I should be dating someone seriously now. It's time.

What they say about "the ticking clock" is true. And it is loud and obnoxious.

And I love him, there is no question about it, I love that Rock Star Ex like no other...and I wish he would just come to his senses. Because he knows what's true. He's told me. So is it fair that he needs to get all of this boyishness out of the way and over with? Is it fair that he expects me to let him do it?

It's a crowded thought, I can't concentrate on it now. Too early in the AM.

Over on the other manchild front, Green Eyed Boy continues to be King Whatever. The whole drama of him and his ex-not-ex-girlfriend is too tired to even talk about. He's beautiful and angelic, but he's a baby and I am too old for babysitting.

That is that.

Mondays are torture. So is my phone bill. 16 more days until Christmas vacation.

Rock Star Ex said it was going to be weird not having me there to kiss on New Year's. I told him, kiss someone else. He said he didn't like that idea.

On the inside, I was smiling.

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