08.09.03 :: 11:50 am
"Sundaygirl. You should call _____. He's planning on killing himself. He would listen to you."
I don't understand this kind of grief; to want to end your life because things are so bad. I can't even imagine such pitch black emptiness and sorrow.
I don't know what I'm going to say.
He's a friend and he lives very far, and I can't just go over there if he said he needed someone.
And it's a horrendous thing to think, but if he does go through with it, I don't think I could handle the pain of being the last person he talked to.
I also don't think I could handle the pain of attending a friend's funeral.
This is all so fucked up and agonizing and scary.
It's noon. I've had 8 cigarettes.