08.09.03 :: 11:50 am

Last night's drinkin' an' frolickin' at Ruby's house was cut a little short by the kind of phone call nobody should ever, ever receive.

"Sundaygirl. You should call _____. He's planning on killing himself. He would listen to you."

I don't understand this kind of grief; to want to end your life because things are so bad. I can't even imagine such pitch black emptiness and sorrow.

I don't know what I'm going to say.

He's a friend and he lives very far, and I can't just go over there if he said he needed someone.

And it's a horrendous thing to think, but if he does go through with it, I don't think I could handle the pain of being the last person he talked to.

I also don't think I could handle the pain of attending a friend's funeral.

This is all so fucked up and agonizing and scary.

It's noon. I've had 8 cigarettes.

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