2001-05-24 :: 10:29 p.m.

Do I get nervous? Is it just a drop-off, hihowyadoinseeyalater, or will you stay and shoot the shit with me? Watch me smoke a cigarette? I know it's late. But it's a send-off. Out into the country, the kids will bounce around for you at every stop, and I'll be bouncing too, on the inside.

They're cleaning out the apartment for me. 3,000 miles away, people have been called. I don't know if they've told my father. And either way he won't be at the airport. He smells fear 3,000 miles away. He can probably hear the recording in my head as well. Maybe he knows he put it there.

lately, I'm only interested in using what's passed as a reference, not a guide.

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