08.30.04 :: 3:18 pm

And it's like, obviously I cannot be eased gently and lovingly into reality.

I spent the morning at the allergy specialist whereupon after feasting his eyes on my crapulence, informed me that I will need blood drawn and a patch test consisting of 122 known allergens including cosmetics and perfumes.

122 allergens, stuck to my back via silver circles the size of dimes. I am so beautiful.

I will continue to be so beautiful throughout the two days I must go without a shower, no doubt.

And, as if the blissful dreamy haze of a Greek island vacation wasn't disappearing from my mind rapidly enough, the bill for today's events...

yeah. Let's just say it's eleven bucks for ONE allergy-filled silver circle.

Eleven. Times. One Hundred Twenty Two.

This stunning total doesn't even include the doctor's visit. I am absolutely mortified.

Somewhere, the God of All Things Unpleasant and Hideous is dancing his little goat hooves merrily upon my road to zen.

The only redeeming factor in all of this is my Moo. My ever increasingly splendiferous, understanding, caring, thoughtful, butt-luscious Moo.

Moo, who greeted me upon my arrival in this godforsaken country with purple and orange lilies.

Moo, who saw my allergy-ridden legs and back and said I was gorgeous anyways.

Sometimes, things are as shitty as shit could get and yet it's so okay at the same time.

Also, people, come on. For real. Satisfaction (starring Justine Bateman!!!) is on!

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