04.02.04 :: 10:01 am

So tonight I have a date with the guy who fixed my computer eons ago.

I like that he looked up my record, in true stalker fashion.

Mr. M called last night and we had a very good conversation. I understand better now why he had to break it off... though I don't even feel like getting into the sordid details of his past, it definitely made me think about my patterns in dating.

I don't know. He misses me. He wants this time apart to think about his feelings and see how he fares on his own. But he misses me. And he said the bed's too big.

But it's the bed he made. And I miss him too. Incredibly. But I said, "Well, we'll just see how things are in a month or so. In the meantime, I have a date tomorrow."


I deliver the blow. Right after confirming that he is not interested in seeing anyone else.

I had to. Because it's not in me to let my guard totally down. It's not in me to let him know exactly how much it pains me to even go on dates.

And even though I know it made him sad, I had to say it. As blase and nonchalantly as possible. Like I had said "I'm doing laundry."

God, it is so terrible the games lovers play. So awful, mind-shatteringly terrible.

The resolution of this heart-wrenching affair had better be worth it.

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