04.13.05 :: 11:34 am

the results are in and as per goddamned fucking usual, i am surrounded by a cloud of uncertainty.

75% of the area is free and clear and new cells are forming and all that nice and healthy garbage

but there remains a microscopic amount of growth higher on up which she couldn't get to because she was killing me with pain

she said "but i don't want you to worry or think about it because it could heal itself."

well if you DON'T WANT ME TO THINK ABOUT IT THEN DON'T TELL ME ABOUT IT.

So, I just follow up in 3 months with a fun pap smear which will invariably come back problematic and then three months after that i get another colpo done and then we're back in the vicious cycle, never to get out.

This is my life now and well into the forseeable future. This is it. A cycle of pain and futility.

Sweet. I'm so down.

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