2001-05-31 :: 2:04 p.m.

British Boy moved out of his cube. Some lady sits there now. I don't know where he went, but I have a sneaky suspicion he requested the move because he thinks I'm a lunatic. But maybe I'm paranoid.

I'm nervous. I don't know about what. It's kind of a vague, unfocused nervousness centered around RSE and him coming back and how to behave and how to act and what to do and I just want to be normal again.

Yes, I know, if I knew what "normal" was for us, this would be a whole helluva lot easier.

I think the smart thing to do is not to get into trouble bed-wise and otherwise if he hasn't broken up with the suitcase/baggage. I don't want to be that girl. You know the girl. The one that makes out with other people's boyfriends. Because it's been done to me and it sucks a donkey's ass.

OK, yes, too late, I realize. But I somehow justify it because RSE has always kinda sorta been mine in a way. With some breaks inbetween.

But I think that's what has to happen. We have to keep on being friends. No matter what. 'Cause this whole lovethang may not work out, even though I think we both want it to.

If he comes back and he has broken up with her, we still have to be friends first and not jump into anything.

I also realize I am leaving in August.

This is life, playing with timing, and timing is everything, and so this makes shit interesting.

To say the least.

Whatever. I just want to go to the Magnetic Fields show with him.

Things are gaining meaning by the moment through my previous heartache and his most recent mix.

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