06.23.02 :: 6:15 pm
During one phase of it, I distinctly remember getting up off the couch and going upstairs, and seeing My Boy sleeping in bed. I instantly knew I wasn't awake, and tried to reason with myself: "You're not really seeing him in the bed because you're dreaming."
So I kind of willed myself to wake up by rubbing my feet together but couldn't open my eyes. Even though I thought I was back on the couch and watching TV. I started getting real panicky, like I may never be able to wake up, even though I can hear everything clearly around me. And then it felt like I was on a roller coaster, and my stomach just dropped, and I opened my mouth and screamed.
I tried to link the entry where I wrote about this happening to me for the first time, and I can't find it. Any combination of the words "sleep," "paralysis," and "falling," turn up nothing, like the motherfucking entry disappeared.
I suppose I'll go take the dog out now.
I wish my legs would tan as fast as my shoulders and back.