01.30.07 :: 10:48 am

diddy meeting at one today.
i put on a necklace and that's about as dressed up as i get for him anymore.

talked about moving last night and i've got agita about it.
not only is it looking like i won't have a job when we get there but now Ryan wants to pay for my student loan until i find one.

and it makes me feel gross but then i guess what else am i supposed to do?

he said that we had to take a leap of faith in this otherwise, we'll be stuck in the prison of new york forever.

and i agree.

but i don't like the idea of getting some stupid menial job just to have a job right away.

my head is about to burst into 450 pieces.

i just gotta go with the flow and remind myself: sunshine, babies, dogs, backyard, big house, beach... all the things i want very badly and cannot have here.

over and over and over.

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