09.27.03 :: 12:21 pm

In keeping up with my inexplicable thought processes, I slept with the Republican and in turn had the most disappointing sex of my life last night.

The kind of sex where you roll over and don't know whether to laugh, cry, or call your therapist.

Yes. Ladies and gentlemen. As I suspected, he was a lousy lay.

OK, first off? Let me just state for the record that I have been wth men who were poorly endowed, or didn't know how to move or what have you, but I always had a good time if you catch my drift.

This guy? I, I... I'm speechless. It was the most work I've ever had to do for an orgasm in my whole life. He lay motionless. And when I say motionless, I mean, corpse-like.

If that wasn't bad enough, this fucking dead fish underneath me kept calling out such profane, hilarious, disturbing "pep" talk like "Ride my fucking cock, baby."

Ride your cock? What do you think I've been doing for the past half hour? How about a little help, buddy?

And "Yeah, yeah fuck me hard baby, fuck me hard."

I am about ready to slap you hard, why don't you shutthefuckup so I can concentrate on finding an O somewhere in this mess??

Worst. Episode. Ever.

Luckily, he was out of my apartment by 8 am at which point I proceeded to wallow in self pity and missing Mark and my ex and thinking about the great sex my ex must be having with his whore of a playboy girlfriend.

Again, worst episode ever.

Suffice it to say, I'm never hanging out with the Republican ever ever ever again.

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