10.19.01 :: 1:55 pm

Jeff Buckley's entire "Grace" album is something I can't listen to. Ever.

This is because it reminds me of a hyper-specific day in my life, involving a rainy Sunday in April, under an umbrella, in my black granny coat, standing by a vintage clothes shop on the corner of West 89th, while Crazy British Ex was on the payphone.

That was the day it dawned on me that he was emotionally abusive.

We'd been listening to "Grace" all morning in his house. The night before we'd had a fight, but patched things up.

But for whatever reason, that second, that instant standing on the corner while he talked to his friend, while "Last Goodbye," was stuck in the tape loop of my brain, I knew it was over.

I haven't been able to listen to that album since then because it reminds me of someone I wasn't happy being.

I'm kinda scared if I listen to it again, I'll revert.

I hope not. Because "Lover, You Should've Come Over," is a fantabulous song.

God. There are so many days in my life I wish I could remember with such detail. This isn't one of them.

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