1999-11-09 :: 08:06:44

It's 11 AM.

Last night I had a strange sense of self-satisfaction while sitting on my couch. I was watching TV, smoking a cigarette and this thought came over me: "I have my own, huge apartment, I am at this moment doing nothing else but smoking this cig, and I am very very pleased."

It was a good feeling.

Just sitting there thinking about nothing else but my cigarette in my own space. 24 and moving on up in the world. I think.

In other news, had to take emergency contraception because a condom broke during acts of wild love with Green Eyed Angel Boy. Popped four pills in two days and spent an entire working day retching my insides out in the company bathroom. I am sure everyone thinks I am either pregnant or a super-duper team player for coming in with the flu. Either or.

Green Eyed Angel Boy: amazing. lovely. kind. hunk o' burning love.

Rock Star Ex Boyfriend: came over and kissed me. told him to exit stage left immediately. I was strong, but the urge to run out after him on the street was massive. But I held it together and now he wants me more. Which is good because now it's all on my terms whether or not I let him back in.

Things are OK this month. So far so good. I am treading lightly and hoping not to disturb the equilibrium. I hope things stay exactly like this for a long time.

GEAB said he didn't want a girlfriend but that he could see this thing with me going one of two ways: 1) we meet other people and decide not to see each other anymore but to still be friends, or 2)we keep seeing each other like we are now and eventually catch feelings for each other and decide to become b-friend/g-friend.

I am OK with either one. This is a milestone for me. In the history of my life, this is the first time I am not spastic over a guy. I like him, I like the "thing" we have going on, I like that he calls me, I like that he doesn't care about other girls for now, I like it I like it I like it. And I am not paralyzed by hysterical behavior, hallelujah.

I want to bring him to my company's Christmas party. I am glad my dog likes him and he likes my dog.

Copacetic, the word of the day.

Back to the faxing.

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