1999-10-25 :: 12:59:46
So I'm thinking twice about the whole thing with the Green-Eyed Soul.
I am just not believing that it was real. Which is why I am not freaking out about it. At all. No way. I cannot believe that he actually has an interest in me and I do not expect him to call me ever again. Even though he said he wants to do it again next weekend.
I can't. I just am too tired and too old to do this. By "this," I mean the whole Picking Up A Guy And Hooking Up And He Never Calls Again Scenario. It's so old and I've done it so many times. They all use the same lines.
But why do I believe Green Eyes when HE says it? What is it about my instinct that tells me "Don't expect anything, but just for the record, I think you might be pleasantly surprised by this one."
I am strangely and suspiciously calm about it all. Normally I would be in a state of frantic, palpitating fear. I would normally be like, "Should I call him?" But this time around I'm like, "Maybe he'll call, or maybe I'll call him, but either way I'm not popping an artery over it."
It's the strangest thing.
I think because good stuff like this never happens to me, I am just chalking it up to a once in a lifetime event... an event that was given to me but was meant for someone else. No big deal. P>
So I'm sure the cosmic order of things did not get fucked up. I am sure my horrendous luck with men will continue right on schedule after this temporary blip on the radar screen.
He was amazing though. Never met anyone quite like him. My skin cleared up when he was with me those two days.
Lucky girl, whoever she is. I wonder what bad luck of mine she got when our wires crossed.
He made me not think about stupid Rock Star Ex Boyfriend at all. I made him not think about his ex.
Whatever it was, however amazing and thrilling and touching and delicious and safe-feeling and toasty, it's done. There's no way this is real or will ever happen again. It cannot be that this was meant for me. I don't think I deserve it.P>
I am an old maid. This is how it is. I am 24, I am alone, and guys like him do not want to hang out with girls like me on a regular basis. And then get NERVOUS about it, on top of it all. No way.
A rip in the space-time continuum...a universal blip...the only explanation...