1999-10-25 :: 08:10:11


I am really not the type that actively seeks a hook-up while out at bars. I swear.

Laurie called me on Friday and told me to stop wallowing around my house in misery and grief over Mr. Rock Star Ex-Boyfriend. I like wallowing. I'm good at it.

But I decided to go out and meet her at Drinkland just so she'd stop yelling at me.

Man. Three hours of beer later and he walked in with his loud and funny friends. Another couple of hours later we had eaten pizza and they drove me home. He asked me to call him.

I know better than to trust a 22 year old with looks that kill and eyes of heart stopping green.

But I said what the fuck, I have nothing left to lose anymore and I called him the next day. He drove over two hours to come see me. He stayed all afternoon. And he stayed the night. And we never slept. And he didn't try to put the moves on me until I put the moves on him.

And it's pointless to even try and describe it. Because I am wary because he's too good to be true, because he's come to me at a point in my life where it would just be too convenient and lucky for it to be the real thing. I know my life, I know that sufffering is part of it, and I don't think I've suffered enough over my ex for this guy to come along and have it be the real deal.

So I played aloof, I played hard to get. I told him I'd drop him an e-mail at school. He said "So we're not going to talk during the week?"

We. He used that word numerous times. In 48 hours he said "we" and "us" and I was strong. Because I know my luck.

He was nervous around me and he looked at me in the darkness like he meant it, and I felt like the Queen of the Goddamned Universe for the first time in years.

Someone out there is looking out for me, I think. Even if I never see him again. Even if it turns out he's really a slut.

He was beautiful. Words don't do him justice. He looked good in my bed, and in my kitchen. I made him eggs and he kissed the back of my neck.

Stuff like this never happens to me. This is why I still don't believe this is happening. Something is definitely happening. There's an electricity stirring inside me like the circuits of my dead heart are heating up and starting to whirr and buzz again. It is happening.


In other news, Dumbass Ex-Boyfriend is seeing some dumbass bartender/actress (no, for real!) This bothered me up until Friday night.

Now I just couldn't care any less.

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