1999-10-06 :: 09:28:46

A new apartment. I am now a gang of one.

And I'm still torturing myself with him. Peeking down his street, allowing myself to be alerted of his entrances and exits on AOL's Instant Messenger...

It's a good thing the phone company is as incompetent as they are, otherwise if I did have a phone, I know I would call him.

Everything is different. I'm not used to a new-smelling apartment.

He was surprised that I thought we would end up together always. He was apologetic and surprised. Like he felt bad for me, for being so wrong.

And what he doesn't realize is that my throwing myself from skin to skin is not because I am over him, but because I am not. I can't imagine I will ever be.

He jokes about my dating and it rips another part of me apart. The way he seems completely untouched and unaffected.

And KB said the other day, "You two need to get back together because this is ridiculous."

I wholeheartedly agree.

I think I might be coming down with strep. But this is neither here nor there.

earlier / next