1999-10-26 :: 09:42:20


Oh, yes! He called! And suddenly I'm 16 again and having my first crush. I'm soooo juvenile right now it's not even funny. But this is the first time anyone has tapped into me like this and has made me feel like a kid again.

He said, "I wanted to call you last night but I didn't want you to think I was being pushy."

He said "I was thinking about you today, because I could still smell you on my clothes."

Melt. Die. My heart. Help me someone please. I have officially been swept off my feet by a complete stranger.

And yet, strangely enough, I maintain self-control. Because there are those girls still who get really drunk at his college and pound on his door at 2 AM, begging him to open the door and let them in.

I will definitely not be that girl. I will be the girl he learns stuff from and who listens to him because he's smart and who doesn't only think about his stunning green eyes or his body and who can play Nintendo with him and who can teach him stuff in the bedroom.

I want this. Screw waiting around another 6 years for Rock Star Ex Boyfriend to grow up and realize what he's given up. Screw that. I am still young I am 24 I am falling for this angel with otherworldly eyes.

He is going to drive from Poughkeepsie this weekend to come and see me. He said "tomorrow it's your turn to call me."

I am in a place I never thought I'd find again. This is all that matters.

I hope this doesn't fall to pieces on me like so many other aspects of my life. I will not think about it. I will just go with it. There are no rules. We talk to each other when we want to. He has found his way through my cold dead heart. Somehow he has found me.

earlier / next