2001-03-14 :: 9:33:31 am

Last night I stayed up with Rock Star Ex talking in his room until about 3 in the morning. No, nothing happened. God!

We reminisced and talked about the good ol' days and he was sort of sad but really happy for me that I no longer needed him to be my boyfriend.

He played one of "our" songs, a Camper Van Beethoven ditty called "All Her Favorite Fruit." It made me a little weepy but only because I remember a line from it that goes "She serves him mashed potatoes, and she serves him pepper steak, with corn," and this one time when we were living together in Hoboken, I actually made those dishes and when we sat down to eat, he sang that line and pointed to each of the foods. We cracked up. I guess you had to be there.

And then, I think, he got really moved because he almost cried. I did see a tear, he made me touch it, he never cries.

"Did I miss the boat with you?" He asked. And I said,
"I really can't say; I'm not steering it."

And it was the end of an era, and I was weepy because I was happy. Because I never thought I would ever be where I was last night (emotionally). I never thought there would come a day when I didn't pine over him, worry after him, long for him like I did.

And it felt good.

But it also felt momentously sad. We hugged for a long time before I left and I promised to stick around with him and be friends for the rest of our lives.

"You can visit me in the rest home," I said.
"We'll play your favorite game."
"Backgammon. I'll kick your ass every time."
And fade to black. End of chapter. Goodbye for now, kid.

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