2001-03-15 :: 10:30:51 pm
Rock Star Ex is finally feeling the "sense of loss" I've been feeling ever since he kissed Sleazy way back in August. I'm sure he'll get over it; he's running to HH's arms riht now, but I mean, what did I tell you? I knew this would happen. I'm so tired.
I'm not backing down, though. I meant what I said. This ship has sailed, knowwhatImean? I (maybe) have found someone. Someone who said to me "I always want to be excited about you."
You know how sometimes you need to hear the right words but you don't know what they are, and then you hear them and you feel like someone's given you this awesome present you didn't even know existed?
This is how I feel. And I'm scared it will be taken away. And if it is, I'm prepared, but I'm worried it might make me sad for Rock Star Ex again. And I never want to go back to being that person ever again. He said I was unrecognizable to him now; I'm a completely changed and different person. That I'm too happy, and why was I never like this with him? The truth is I don't know. He did make me happy, but I knew there was always that dead end coming up, around which corner I couldn't say. So I couldn't let my self go completely. The sadness was inevitable.
I don't know what's in store with Drummer Boy. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. But it's all surprises, and good ones, so far. Which is what I need right now.