2001-03-10 :: 8:35:14 pm

Lansky Lounge is such a strange, cool place. It's like something out of "Swingers." Amanda, Emily, Denise, Lindsay, Laurie, and I closed the place down. We were there until 3 AM. Emily wound up puking her organs out in the bathroom at roughly that time. She's such a lightweight.

Lindsay is definitely a cool chick. We had each other cracking up all night. She's the kind of girl that I would want to start a band with.

Emily, who just recently got dumped by her putzy boyfriend, said to me "I just wanted to tell you how much fun I think you are, and how glad I am that you're hanging out." And she said something else about me being a "welcome addition" to the group and while the sentiment was nice and she hugged me, I couldn't help but feel like it's all a front. Like behind my back she'll still be talking shit. I didn't fall off the melon wagon yesterday, you know. I know the old saying "keep your friends close and enemies closer," because I play hat game too. Probably better than anyone I know.

Anyway, all's well that ends well.

One of Amanda's old work friends, Bill, brought some of his guy friends along and one of them was such a dead ringer for the wacked out guy in "Scream," that it was distracting.

Ben called me earlier tonight. God, it's always so good to talk to him. He was thinking about me, he said. And he couldn't wait to see me tomorrow. And we're going to see a movie. And I'm totally sleeping over. And we exchanged "I really like you"'s and when I see him tomorrow I am going to hug and kiss him sore. I am that excited. I am that blissed out.

I stopped by Rock Star Ex's place this afternoon to pick up my Sims cd from him, and things went very well. He was mixing a band's EP and I hung out for a while. he took little jabs at me and my love life, and I shot right back at him. It was comforting to know that no matter what happens, we're always a part of each other.
No matter what.
We may fall in love with other people, but there will always be something between us that can never be matched.

Although it kinda irked me that there was such an HH presence in his bedroom (a black and white photo of her by his desk, their names scratched into his closet) I didn't really mind. Because he was genuinely happy to see me and when he was showing me to the door he asked me if Drummer Boy and I were serious and I said yes (hi, I'm jumping the gun a bit, I realize) and he looked genuinely happy for me, but in a slightly disappointed way, like he's slowly realizing I don't have a lifeline attached to him anymore; that I am okay without him.

I want to be happy for him. And if HH makes him happy, then so be it. I may hate her and think she's the worst thing to happen to the female species, but if he likes her, that's his thing.

He and I will always have something that she could never touch. We have history, long and detailed and intricate and strong. We will always somewhat be in love with each other. We will always be around for each other. And i realize this and I'm happy about it, which is why I can let go.

I can finally let go.

earlier / next