2001-02-26 :: 3:53:42 pm

Started the new job today.

Mostly jackass work to start with...

Called the gyno, got the very good news that my results were aaaalll clear, kid, allll clear. So I celebrate my renewed and revamped cervix and praise the heavens above.

Rock Star Ex was happy for me.

We will watch the Sopranos on Sunday and drink and hang out and hopefully everything will be OK. I want things to be OK forever.

Blind date after work. Nate. Designs toys for kids. This is either endearing or a red flashing warning light.

I cannot believe how ill I was yesterday. That was totally unreal. And I don't know what happened, but I woke up unable to move my neck past a certain point today. It's unnerving.

Foreign Guy called, I guess I'm hanging out with him tomorrow. I wish I wasn't so on the fence. I wish I was so into one guy and one guy only, like Rock Star Ex is with H.H. I can't help feeling like I should be one-upping him, in some way, in the dating department. I want the tables to be turned, I want him longing for me...

He doesn't think we'll work out. He wishes he had the same confidence in our "relationship" as I do. I said to him "I just know what I know." And he said "You are so sure that our love is so special that we won't find it with anyone else?" And I said, "Yes."

From the bottom of my useless heart, yes.

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