2001-02-20 :: 1:28:12 pm

Hanging out with Laurie the other day, she told me something interesting. Last weekend, at Dave's birthday party (where my hair caught on fire due to an ill-placed candle) Emily was making funny comments about being slutty and then making a pun on my name and calling me "trampoline." We had a few laughs over it but as it turns out, she was being cruel, not humorous.

Apparently, she doesn't like me too much. Or, wait, scratch that, she's threatened by me. For some reason, she thinks I'm stealing her thunder. Apparently she was hot shit at one point and then I came along and all the guys in that little circle started paying attention to me and this was a no-no in her book. I guess. I mean, I don't pay attention one way or another to what those guys say or do around me.

When I go out, I just try to have a good time, and if I'm flirting then so what, I'm only looking for some fun.

And then this got me thinking about how awful women can be to each other. Why can't a girl know she's pretty and flirt with boys and hold their attention without being labeled "conceited" or "whore"?

Emily's passive-aggressiveness towards me could get tedious, but I just brush it off for now. Laurie says I shouldn't let her get away with talking shit to my face, but at the time, I didn't think she was talking shit. I thought we were just being self-deprecating. Laurie was actually pissed off at her and offended that she would talk to me that way.

For some other reason, Emily thinks I flirt with her boyfriend. I mean, this is just so high school I shouldn't even address this idiotic bit of information, but I will address it namely because a) I've said three words to her boyfriend my whole life, b) I've seen her boyfriend maybe three times ever, and c)I think her boyfriend is ugly.

So maybe what it all boils down to is that Emily really isn't such a cool person. She's not someone I'd trust or tell anything personal to. And I don't think I'll be letting her make fun of me passive-aggressively anymore. If she wants to say something, she can say it. I don't have time to wonder if what she said was what she really meant. I have my own stupid insecurities to deal with; I'm definitely not interested in dealing with Emily's.

Some people's kids, man. I swear.

Anyway, who cares.

There have got to be bigger fish to fry.

I feel like a big, bloated whale after that chicken salad sandwich. My stupid Dimitri from Paris CD is lost in the mail. I hate CDNow. Why do I even bother with them?

Once I pay rent this month, I don't know what I'm going to do about money. This is a first for me. I am beginning to get scared about it. Hopefully, something will come up, jobwise. I have a potential bartending job...

It's days like this I think about running away. Empty out my bank account, collect RockStar Ex, and just motor.

Love vigilantes, baby. We're on the run.

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