03.11.04 :: 9:19 am

I don't know if it's the Lexapro, but I have been having the most insanely vivid and bizarre dreams lately.

Last night's brain montage featured a packed auditorium with stadium seating at a university and in the second row, making kissyfaces, are my ex and his Real Doll of a girlfriend.

The dream Me panics and scrambles a couple rows behind them to spy unnoticed, but the ex totally catches me and kind of waves a hello of "what the fuck?" as I try to play it cool.

So I turn to an attractive fellow with blue eyes wearing a corduroy coat and a trucker hat (gah!) and motion for him to lean in real close to my face, whereupon I look him dead in the eyes and whisper, "Will you pretend to be my boyfriend?" And he nods and say, "Uh-huh."

So I'm pretending to be all into this guy, nuzzling and whatnot, and my Ex makes his way to our row and says, "Hey, what's up?" And I say, "Oh, nothing. Just catching this lecture. You know... Oh, this is my boyfriend...Jack."

And "Jack" extends his hand to my Ex and goes, "Nice to meet you. I'm Dave."

DOH!!

I sock him one in the ribs and my Ex leaves, smiling, very pleased with himself.

So I yell at Dave/Jack and tell him he's kind of a moron, and all he had to do was just go along with me, but I don't get why I was being such an dickbasket about it, I could have just as easily asked him his name before the Ex came over. But whatever, I'm dreaming.

So anyway, I leave the auditorium in a huff and at some point get accosted by a little Ethiopian kid who creeps the hell out of me, so I go out the back exit to escape him and run up the street to my friend's boutique called "UnderNeath."

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I do not have a friend with a Betty Page hairdo, nor do I have any friends who own and run a boutique, but this was the best store EVER.

It was a tiny hole in the wall affair that sold only 1940's and 1950's-era shoes, and lingerie. Hence "UnderNeath" I suppose.

And as I told my friend about the incident in the auditorium with my Ex and Jack/Dave, I was trying on some shoes and she was smoking a cigarette and she goes, "I totally know Jack/Dave. He's a friend of mine."

And I go on to explain that I feel really bad about bitching at him and she gives me his phone number to call and apologize and then I say "OK, I gotta get out of here before I buy something I don't need."

And then I walk out of the store, run into Jack/Dave and before we can have the Great Reconciliation Whatnot, I wake up to the sounds of Howard Stern freaking out (again) over the FCC.

Whew. What an episode. I'm spent.

I'll be back later, after a muffin and a nap on the ladies' room couch.

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