06.23.02 :: 6:15 pm

I have no idea what's going on with me, but this happened to me earlier today while taking a nap.

During one phase of it, I distinctly remember getting up off the couch and going upstairs, and seeing My Boy sleeping in bed. I instantly knew I wasn't awake, and tried to reason with myself: "You're not really seeing him in the bed because you're dreaming."

So I kind of willed myself to wake up by rubbing my feet together but couldn't open my eyes. Even though I thought I was back on the couch and watching TV. I started getting real panicky, like I may never be able to wake up, even though I can hear everything clearly around me. And then it felt like I was on a roller coaster, and my stomach just dropped, and I opened my mouth and screamed.

I tried to link the entry where I wrote about this happening to me for the first time, and I can't find it. Any combination of the words "sleep," "paralysis," and "falling," turn up nothing, like the motherfucking entry disappeared.

Frustrating.

I suppose I'll go take the dog out now.

I wish my legs would tan as fast as my shoulders and back.

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