01.23.05 :: 3:00 pm

Last night, I figured out what my nightmare meant.

I have not forgiven myself 100% for the way I treated Adam in the last few months of our relationship. I still blame myself for a lot of what went wrong - even though we both had a hand in it - and therefore I keep revisiting that "apartment," which is SO a metaphor for my guilty feelings and the fear that I will wreck my current relationship.
Thank you, twelve years of therapy.

I explained this to Ryan, and he looked at me and said without hesitation, "Don't worry. You never have to go back to that house again."

And he's so right.
I'm done faulting myself all the time.

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