01.22.05 :: 1:21 pm
What was upsetting is that the place was exactly as we left it the night we officially broke up and decided to go our separate ways. And I don't know what we were doing there. Or why I had brought my friends with me. But I went around to each room, just looking at my former belongings and this awful, nauseating feeling of sadness and regret blanketed me. Downstairs on the kitchen counter, the answering machine was still blinking. I played the message; it was my ex-fiance talking to his mother, their conversation recorded and saved. "Mom, it's awful and I'm leaving. She's awful and I'm leaving." The girls were understanding and decided it was a good time to get the hell out of there. And then all of a sudden, I was in the middle of a very long and wide stretch of highway, my friends disappearing dots on the horizon. I woke up crying and when I tried to explain this to Ryan, he asked me why I was so upset and I couldn't. I just couldn't say. And speaking of which, the snow is piling on outside so heavily, I may not even get out of my house until monday. I don't know what's wrong with me today.
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