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2001-02-19 :: 18:49:00
He somehow found it and read it and the things in here, although not total surprises, weren't really for his eyes. So we had a talk over the phone about it. He knows me so well that he was actually able to locate this stupid diary and read it. That gets me, you know, of COURSE he knows I'm Sundaygirl. I can laugh about it now because the talk we had was good. And luckily, I haven't said anything in here he doesn't already know. But I freaked him out, which is logical. I freak myself out sometimes. But we talked. And things seem okay. Maybe we sort of agreed that we are two confused, crazy individuals who were meant to be together because separately, we'd just drive an unecessary amount of people nuts. I don't know. Maybe we need to be together to contain the madness. Either that or because we really love each other and it can't be any other way. Maybe a little of both. In any case, I'm not worried about him peeking in here again. He promised he wouldn't, but even if he does, I'm not going to worry about censoring my feelings about my life or him, or whatever, blah blah blah... you know the drill. Anyway. Puzzleboy comes home today; actually, he should probably already be home. He hasn't called me yet. Is this cause for alarm? Why am I twelve years old? Why do I care? He'll call when he calls and if he doesn't then I'll call him. I hate being so logical, because it only means I'll end up doing something totally insane. I am a teensy bit out of control when it comes to things of this nature. I want things now and I want them fast and right now dammit! No patience. RockStar Ex said I was being patronizing in my journal. That I think I know everything, that I always think I'm right. I suppose that can be true, it's not something I like admitting about myself, but he was kind of right. But it's just because more often than not, I am right about certain things. After our talk we watched MST3K on my sofa, like old times, and he said "It's like not a single second has gone by when we're together." We talked about other things like ending the madness and how awesome it would be to just drop everything and run away. We entertained thoughts about North Carolina or Delaware. Just get into his crapmobile and drive away together. Start a new life. Some day it will work out. Me and him. It has to. Because we act insanely when we're apart. Because it wouldn't make sense if it didn't... We had a moment. He hid our faces with his hands and it was dark but we could see each other's eyes. It was a moment. "Or maybe we can go to Greece." "We could live for free." We ate Doritos and agreed that Zombie Nightmare is one of the best movies ever. All this shit is happening for a reason, I'm sure. There is no other explanation. Maybe this is happening to test my shitty patience. Maybe I should try to get it right this time.
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